What
do you call a lesbian with big fingers? Well-endowed.
Did you hear about the gay
bank robber?
He tied up the safe and blew the guard.
Why do gay men make good
linemen?
They love penetrating the defense.
What do you call a gay
dentist?
A tooth fairy.
How do you know when it's
bedtime at Michael Jackson's home?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Where do Australians get
virgin wool?
From the ugly sheep
What
do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Slap the bitch.
What 3 things do gays like
to do the most?
Eat, Drink, and be Mary.
What do you call a gay bar
with no place to sit?
A fruit stand.
Mums
have Mother's Day, Dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm
Sunday.
Why did the gay suspect
his lover had been cheating on him?
He came home shit-faced.
Why did the gay man get a
job at the loading dock?
He loved taking deliveries in the rear.
Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
What's the hardest thing
gays find about dealing with aids?
Leaving their friends behind.
If a
light sleeper sleeps with the light on... what does a hard sleeper sleep
with?
Why couldn't the gay
quarterback make it in the NFL?
He was too forward with his passes.
How do
you know if you've got a high sperm count? Your boyfriend chews
before he swallows!
Why are scientists having
trouble finding a cure for aids?
They can't get the mice to butt-fuck.
How do you make a lesbian
anorexic eat?
Put pussy hair around her dinner plate.
"So I
rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming
baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
What do you call a fart in
the men's room of a gay bar?
A love call.
What happens to a man who
spends the night at a gay bar?
He wakes up with a queer taste in his mouth
Before
you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
What do you call a Jewish
homosexual?
A Heblew
Why did the gay criminal
keep going back to prison?
He loved it in the can.
Why was the gay sergeant
fired?
For the way he drilled his troops.
The residents of a small redneck town urge the sheriff to arrest the local
homosexual. Seems he's been propositioning all the teenage boys in town.
The sheriff dutifully arrests the fag and says to him, "ok homo, you got
15 minutes to blow this town!"
The fag says, "I'll need at least two hours."
He who
laughs last thinks slowest.
What did one gay dentist
say to the other?
You have the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
What
do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them,
the harder they get.
What does a gay man call
his testicles?
Mud flaps.
Did you hear about the two
homosexual judges?
They kept trying each other.
What
does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from
the rear and go whoo-whoo!
Two Gays are standing on a
bridge watching ships pass by underneath them.
One says to the other..."What kind of ship is that?" "Container ship."
"OK, what's that one over there?" "Oil Tanker."
"How about that one?" "That's a ferry boat."
"Really? I knew we were strong, but I never knew we had our own NAVY!"
What's the most popular
pick up line in a gay bar ?
"May I push in your stool ?"
What's the leading cause
in death with lesbians?
Hair balls.
Did you hear about the gay
truckers?
They exchanged loads.
The
gay man had come to have a tooth extracted. The dentist approached him
with a hypodermic and said, "you might feel a little prick in your mouth
at first." The patient smiled and said, "thank you".
How
can you make a gay man scream twice?
Fuck him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.
What is the definition of
confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
What do you call a gay
dinosaur?
Megasorass.
What's
the difference between a fag and a microwave? A microwave won't brown your
meat.
Why did the little Greek
boy run away from home?
He didn't like the way he was being reared.
A
drunk guy walks into a bar. He looks to the left and says "You're all a
bunch of assholes". Then he looks to the right and says "you're all a
bunch of queers". Suddenly, a man on the left side of the room jumps up
starts to run to the other side of the room. The drunk guy roars, "where
do you think you're going". To which the man replies, "I'm on the wrong
side of the room".
Why do so many gays have
moustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.
Did you hear about the
homosexual electron? Went around blowing fuses.
Two
gay engineers were standing in the park. One had a new bike. The other
said, "Nice bike. How much?" The first said , "It was free." The other
asked, "Wow, how did you get it for free?" The one with the bike said,"
Yesterday a beautiful girl rode up on this bike, took off all her clothes
and told me I could have anything I wanted." The other engineer said,
"Good move! Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Did you hear about the
homosexual letter?
Only came in male boxes.
What
is the space between the cock and the asshole? A chin rest.
What do you call 50
lesbians and 50 government employees in one room?
100 people that don't do dick!
A
young army private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his
experience at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper. "Dad" he
says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black
sergeant standing behind me told me that if I didn't jump, he was gonna
cram about 12 inches of dick up my ass" "Well did you jump?" asks his dad.
"Just a little at first" answered the boy.
Two
condoms are walking past a gay bar one turns to the other and says "You
wanna go in there and get shit-faced?"
How can you tell if your
house was built by lesbian carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.
Why
did the condom fly across the room? It got pissed off.
What's the difference
between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo?
At a straight rodeo everyone yells, "Ride that sucker"
How do
you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
How do you know when you
are in a gay church?
Only half the congregation is kneeling.
In
Greece, how do they separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar.
How can you tell if your
at a gay picnic?
All the Hotdogs smell like shit.
An
Arab prince was arriving by plane at Heathrow airport, UK. Before entering
the UK you have to fill in an immigration sheet and the flight attendant
has just distributed those papers to the passengers. In the box for SEX in
the card the Arab prince wrote "Yes, please". The flight attendant
collected the papers but came back to the Arab prince and said "Sir, here
you have to write "male" or 'female". The prince said, "Oh, it doesn't
matter for me."
What do you call a
lesbian dinosaur?
A lick-a-lot-o-puss.
What's
long, hard and full of semen? A submarine.
What's another name for
hemorrhoids?
Speed Bumps.
Why
did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station
attendant? Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle
and spray gas all over the car.
Why can't gay men get
jobs in sperm banks?
They're always caught drinking on the job.
A Jew
an Italian and a black man are sitting at a bar, the Jew says, "Even
though I was circumcised, my cock is huge, probably the biggest in the
room" to which the Italian replies, " You are friggin' kidding me,
everyone knows there is nothing better than an Italian stallion, I am hung
like a horse" The black guys says, "You crackers are crazy! No white guy
is ever hung like a black man!" The bartender says, "Well, there is one
way to find out, whip them out." So all three guys unzip and wap them on
the counter. Just then a gay guy comes in and screams "OOOOH!!! I'll have
the BUFFET!!!!"
What does a gay guy call a
condom?
...seal a meal.
Ten
shepherds are out in the sheep field. How do you know which one is gay?
He's the one the sheep fuck.
What would you call 2 gay
"Bobs''?
"Oral Roberts"!
Have
you heard of that gay Indian? He jumped into the canoe, took four strokes
and shot over the lake.
What is the difference
between a gay guy and a fridge?
The fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out!
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